Hey, you!
Yes. You. Did you know how much this has been a struggle for me? To be a shadow of all that you are? To be a tail to all your undertakings? To be a servant that even you, haven’t noticed yet?
Well, allow me to explain. It would be my inmost pleasure.
When I first saw you, you were nothing to me. I repeat, NOTHING. You were lumpy.Had hair so dried up it looked like you weren't taking bath each day after. I even agreed when one of my classmates said you look like a monitor lizard, because you were. You really did. You had a face that is shaped like an inverted raindrop. Ha! I could even laugh remembering how we laughed at you before.
But I’m not saying that I am better than you, though. I also had my own imperfections. I had dark skin, bloating tummy, dark circles around my thin eyes. I had to admit, I look like an Asian kid raised in the deserts of Afghanistan.
You were like, mehhh. Just plain, boring.
I didn't even know why most people admire you. You had thousands of followers on Facebook, twitter, even Justin Bieber, that slimy little faggot, followed you. But then again I thought, maybe you just used “auto-likes”, but no. You were famous. You were highly- recognized.
And you started talking to me. I was shocked at first. I was “t-a-k-e-n a-b-a-c-k”, please do note that. And being me as the friendliest person that I could be, I talked with you. I chatted with you like I never did consider you looking like Freeza in “DragonBall”.
We then talked and shared lunch. We joined together in projects. We even watched shows that we never knew we had of the same liking, like the ‘The Walking Dead’. Oh how I loved zombies! We even played zombie people in one of our parties. Anyway, you became my friend that’s all. And me being a loyal friend to anybody I listened to you in all your aching. I listened to you all the time in fact. I knew your secrets, except your sex life of course (darn it). I knew all the people you hated, and hated them for you, even the ones who were kind to me. I started to grow fond of you. No, fond is not the word. I started to grow pleased by you.
That is then when I knew, I was starting to like you.
I was starting to love you.
I would lay still in bed, thinking about you. Even when I’m eating, taking a bath, pooping, riding in the jeepney, reading, watching television, you were all in my head. Except of course when I am touching myself because you were just all that darn precious to me!
I would be so excited seeing you in school, so I try to dress impeccably. So you would give me compliments, because what you say… became all that matters to me. Just a simple tease from you makes me blush like an idiot. You were my world; you were my dreams when I’m asleep and awake. I didn’t even know where all these metaphors came from.
I would even trick you to wearing clothes of the same color as mine during wash days because I want us to have “couple shirts”. So lame.
I always analyze all that you do, say, look upon, everything about you, I had studied them all, and I have even counted the hair in your eye brows, yes. Between 2, 800 to 3000. I could just even right your own biography for you. Because you were all that I had. I couldn’t even think about myself anymore.
I was there during your contests. I supported you. I helped you carry your things. I did your makeup. I would leap in joy when you would win. Because darn, I was in love with you.
And here I am now, writing this stupid letter, because I want to share the world your smile, and your embrace when I finally said ‘I love you’.
You smiled, and oh how gorgeous it looked. And your embrace, so warm and soft. How I wished someone took a photo of us when we hugged. Because all of it, your smile and embrace, meant freaking goodbye.
You turned around, after that mocking smile and loose embrace. After I said ‘please stay’, begging as all that I could. But you left.
I just realized how stupid I am for thinking you might feel the same way for me by just bringing me food that we both ordered for delivery, by just playing with me in the open hall while we wait for the dance practice, for just sitting with me and watching all those TV shows. Because for you, it was all nothing. I was NOTHING.
So here I am now, thinking about the need to stop because my nose is clogging, thinking about the mere sin of falling in love with a friend. Don’t judge me for being corny. If you are not freakin' in love, then don’t mind reading, but actually please do because I am now in my conclusion.
Just please don’t fall in love with a jerk. I did love you. And you still are special to me. You hurt me. I couldn’t forgive you, even myself.
Just. Don’t. Fall. In. Love. With. A. Jerk.
It will only make me feel less of myself, because in all of those days that I only thought of you, I was ignoring my own well-being. I was less of myself. And I think it was enough.
Now, I just need sleep, and probably a bite of burger.
Yes. You. Did you know how much this has been a struggle for me? To be a shadow of all that you are? To be a tail to all your undertakings? To be a servant that even you, haven’t noticed yet?
Well, allow me to explain. It would be my inmost pleasure.
When I first saw you, you were nothing to me. I repeat, NOTHING. You were lumpy.Had hair so dried up it looked like you weren't taking bath each day after. I even agreed when one of my classmates said you look like a monitor lizard, because you were. You really did. You had a face that is shaped like an inverted raindrop. Ha! I could even laugh remembering how we laughed at you before.
But I’m not saying that I am better than you, though. I also had my own imperfections. I had dark skin, bloating tummy, dark circles around my thin eyes. I had to admit, I look like an Asian kid raised in the deserts of Afghanistan.
You were like, mehhh. Just plain, boring.
I didn't even know why most people admire you. You had thousands of followers on Facebook, twitter, even Justin Bieber, that slimy little faggot, followed you. But then again I thought, maybe you just used “auto-likes”, but no. You were famous. You were highly- recognized.
And you started talking to me. I was shocked at first. I was “t-a-k-e-n a-b-a-c-k”, please do note that. And being me as the friendliest person that I could be, I talked with you. I chatted with you like I never did consider you looking like Freeza in “DragonBall”.
We then talked and shared lunch. We joined together in projects. We even watched shows that we never knew we had of the same liking, like the ‘The Walking Dead’. Oh how I loved zombies! We even played zombie people in one of our parties. Anyway, you became my friend that’s all. And me being a loyal friend to anybody I listened to you in all your aching. I listened to you all the time in fact. I knew your secrets, except your sex life of course (darn it). I knew all the people you hated, and hated them for you, even the ones who were kind to me. I started to grow fond of you. No, fond is not the word. I started to grow pleased by you.
That is then when I knew, I was starting to like you.
I was starting to love you.
I would lay still in bed, thinking about you. Even when I’m eating, taking a bath, pooping, riding in the jeepney, reading, watching television, you were all in my head. Except of course when I am touching myself because you were just all that darn precious to me!
I would be so excited seeing you in school, so I try to dress impeccably. So you would give me compliments, because what you say… became all that matters to me. Just a simple tease from you makes me blush like an idiot. You were my world; you were my dreams when I’m asleep and awake. I didn’t even know where all these metaphors came from.
I would even trick you to wearing clothes of the same color as mine during wash days because I want us to have “couple shirts”. So lame.
I always analyze all that you do, say, look upon, everything about you, I had studied them all, and I have even counted the hair in your eye brows, yes. Between 2, 800 to 3000. I could just even right your own biography for you. Because you were all that I had. I couldn’t even think about myself anymore.
I was there during your contests. I supported you. I helped you carry your things. I did your makeup. I would leap in joy when you would win. Because darn, I was in love with you.
And here I am now, writing this stupid letter, because I want to share the world your smile, and your embrace when I finally said ‘I love you’.
You smiled, and oh how gorgeous it looked. And your embrace, so warm and soft. How I wished someone took a photo of us when we hugged. Because all of it, your smile and embrace, meant freaking goodbye.
You turned around, after that mocking smile and loose embrace. After I said ‘please stay’, begging as all that I could. But you left.
I just realized how stupid I am for thinking you might feel the same way for me by just bringing me food that we both ordered for delivery, by just playing with me in the open hall while we wait for the dance practice, for just sitting with me and watching all those TV shows. Because for you, it was all nothing. I was NOTHING.
So here I am now, thinking about the need to stop because my nose is clogging, thinking about the mere sin of falling in love with a friend. Don’t judge me for being corny. If you are not freakin' in love, then don’t mind reading, but actually please do because I am now in my conclusion.
Just please don’t fall in love with a jerk. I did love you. And you still are special to me. You hurt me. I couldn’t forgive you, even myself.
Just. Don’t. Fall. In. Love. With. A. Jerk.
It will only make me feel less of myself, because in all of those days that I only thought of you, I was ignoring my own well-being. I was less of myself. And I think it was enough.
Now, I just need sleep, and probably a bite of burger.
-Pedro Inglisero
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento